


Will you still have me, after I've gone away?

by moon_girl_loves



Series: Kyalin Week 2020 [4]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, F/F, Kind of Hurt/Comfort, Kyalin Week 2020, running away from problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_girl_loves/pseuds/moon_girl_loves
Summary: Its too much, so Kyaruns.She doesn't think about what she's left behind.aka,Lin and Kya are dating, Kya has commitment(and other) fears, Lin needs a better sense of self worth, and Bumi is a good bro.
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Kya II
Series: Kyalin Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007766
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67
Collections: KyaLin Week 2020





	Will you still have me, after I've gone away?

**Author's Note:**

> Kyalin Week Day Four! This is very unbetad and it is very late at night, but I hope you all liked it! This one is a bit more angsty than the other ones, and I was thinking about Kya’s fear in the fog during season 2. They might be a lil ooc(mainly with the ending), but I hope I did it justice! (I wanted to do a lot more with it, but I didn't have enough time, I might rewrite later!). Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> (Also I'm not sure if this should be rated as Teen or Mature, so I set it to mature just in case, I'm not really sure how the rating systems work but if anyone thinks I should change it(on this fic or any others) please let me know!)
> 
> Prompt: Fake(or secret) Dating/Travel  
> (I took some liberties with the prompt, it was fake/secret in the poll, so I decided to use secret because it was easier, though fake could have fit well as well! (Maybe in a future project when I have time to work on it!).)
> 
> See the end notes for warnings.

_It was too much._

_2 months_ , Kya’s mind was screaming at her.

A month longer than anyone else, anyone since... _her_.

She can’t get attached, _she can’t_ , because then Lin will be gone and it will be _all her fault_ and she can’t do that to Lin, beautiful amazing Lin, Lin who had enough problems without having to deal with Kya on top of it.

…

So, Kya _ran_.

She didn’t have much of a plan, she just got up, standing from the empty bed(Lin went to work far too early, but was always home by 6 if she could, and they would cook dinner together and… it was _**too much**_ ).

She packed a change of clothes and some food, changed into hiking clothes, and left. 

Out of the city, and into the surrounding wilderness. 

She had always found the mountain relaxing as a child, but.. _ **no**_ , she was avoiding those memories.

Kya just let her feet take her, somewhere that wasn’t haunted by the phantom footsteps of her childhood.

She happened upon a town, and kept walking, adrenaline churning.

_She had to get away. If they were here she would hurt them, she couldn’t stay, she couldn’t face them, she wasn’t good for her..._

_So she ran, and didn’t look back._

*

The apartment was silent.

Lin didn’t bend off her armor, and tried to assure herself that it would be fine.

Silence wasn’t exactly normal.

Kya, as a being, was loud, and usually there would at least be music on, if not accompanied by singing.

Lin brought down her foot, and _felt_.

There were no attackers, but also no Kya.

She could be on the bed, their bed frame was wooden after all…

...

Kya wasn’t. And she wasn’t anywhere else either. But her camping backpack was missing, along with a decent amount of their food, and Kya’s clothes.

_Something in Lin **broke** , and she desperately tried to convince herself that it was relief._

*

Kya didn’t stay with people for long. Lin knew that, from growing up around Kya, and frequenting the city’s gay bars, all which became gossip mills whenever Kya breezed back into town.

Every woman had the same story, Kya _left_.

A night, a week, a month, however long it was, Kya _**always** left_.

Lin knew she would, knew Kya wouldn’t be able to settle her spirit just for her, knew Lin wouldn’t be enough... _but she had hoped_.

She was a fool for believing this could end any other way.

Lin buried herself in her work... _but she still couldn’t bring herself to pack up Kya’s clothes_.

She found herself buying Kya’s favorite tea at the market, browsing the jewelry stands for something she would like, absently rushing to finish her work before 6 so she could get home for dinner...and then realized _Kya wasn’t there_.

She had left, and Lin had to come to terms with that.

Extra hours at the station was very helpful towards distracting her, even when Mako nearly dragged her out when she had almost passed out during a stakeout.

He asked her out for food more, tried to get her to leave early, and she said biting words she didn’t mean, and locked herself inside.

It was a near 180 from their original relationship, and Lin did not like it at all.

He was a _child_ , and a good one at that, he didn’t need to be worrying about an old woman’s problems.

He wouldn’t stop however, and started phrasing it so she was helping him, or she needed to check out this bar undercover so she may as well leave early, and got Bumi and Opal involved.

Opal she could tolerate, and had to, she and Mako were just children, and Lin most certainly did not want to hurt them, ( _like she had done to too many others_ ). 

She knew childcare wasn’t her forte, Su had shown her that, but she hoped she was doing these kids better, because they deserved better( _and so had Su_ ).

She wanted to be _enough_ for them, so she humored them, and they helped. But _Bumi…_

No one knew what was wrong, why she had suddenly been so happy and then drowning in her work once again, and even Bumi hadn’t figured it out.

She hid Kya’s things and ran, but he had her key.

A night of routine insomnia, looking over Kya’s things and letting the rapidly fading scent wash over her as she contemplated _what she had done to make it this way_ turned into Bumi bursting in, and finding out.

Lin cried in his arms, the one(weeks ago was two) person she let herself be vulnerable with, and acknowledged that the broken feeling...had not been relief.

She had promised herself to hold relationships at arms length, expose herself a little at a time and not get attached until she knew they would stay...but Kya made that impossible, and these were the consequences.

She still couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

*

_After two weeks of running, memories found Kya._

Or, to be exact, assassins found Kya.

They weren’t very good assassins, probably because no one cared all that much about her or Aang much anymore, with a new avatar in town and all. 

Her newly boosted knowledge of combat waterbending gave her the advantage( _she couldn’t let it happen again, so she studied, hard, and then there was Zaheer, and she failed once again...she had to practice harder_ ). 

There had been more than ten of them, and that was a lot for one person, even one tutored under Katara.

As the fight went on, and water slashed _close, too close_ , thoughts from the last week ran through her head with abandon, because she was now too busy to filter them.

 _Lin would be such a help right now_ , she groaned internally, and then froze, nearly catching an icicle in the side for her trouble.

_Not now._

She had to keep fighting, and for that she had to _focus_ , but after it was over...

...

_Oh goodness **Lin** … what had she done._

Lin was strong, Kya knew that. 

Lin could protect herself, far better than Kya could protect Lin, and Kya knew that.

What Kya didn’t know, was if Lin could handle Kya if she started to descend… 

But _Lin..._ Lin had been there, for all her childhood and young adulthood, and seen her, not at her worst, but at far worse than her best.

She had helped her, and hadn’t run away.

And more than that, Lin…

Kya knew how Lin was. 

Lin had issues, and Lin blamed herself, for everything...especially things completely out of her control.

Toph and Suyin had run out on her, _abandoned her_ , and she had taken the blame onto herself.

If only she had been _better, stronger, warmer, wilder...perfect_ , then they would have stayed...but they wouldn’t.

Kya knew it hadn’t been Lin’s fault, and she, just like everyone else in her life, tried to assure Lin of this.

Eventually, Lin had started nodding and agreeing to get them to stop talking, but it was resoundingly obvious that the message had never gotten through.

_(Her encounter with, and incredibly ridiculous decision to forgive Su without any form of apology, had assured Kya of that. Kya… didn't really understand older sibling guilt, especially in Lin’s case where she had basically been in charge of Su since she was a teen. She did in some extent she supposed, with Tenzin and protecting him from outside threats, but Bumi did understand to some extent, and had sibling guilt of his own, and he didn’t agree with how Lin had handled the situation either, though he admitted he likely wouldn’t have made a different decision in her place. Regardless, Kya thought it was dumb, and so did Izumi...Su hadn’t even apologized.)_

Lin was scared of not being enough... _just like Kya_ , and Kya, Kya the first person she had let in in a decade, _left her, **betrayed her…**_

_Kya needed to go back._

...

_But would Lin ever trust her again?_

*

Kya trekked back, as quickly as she could, and tried to think of a solution...but none would come to her.

_Maybe she should just stay away...not make things worse than they already were..._

_But Lin… she needed to apologize, at the very least._

_Kya **loved** Lin, and she had come to terms with it long before._

_She loved her enough to let her go, which had been what she was trying to do...before she realized she had just hurt Lin **worse** than most other things she could have done. _

_(And how she had laughed in the past at those stories who said love was letting go, **love** was staying by their side, by **her** side, she had said, and then...)_

*

By the time she reached the city, she still had no plan...so she went to Bumi.

He knew her, and he knew Lin. She didn’t want to betray Lin’s confidence but...Bumi probably already knew the secret.

He of course, did, and his lecture would ring in her head for days.

That’s just how his lectures were. When he was mad, he didn’t yell, he got _serious._

_Serious always made more of an impact._

She came out of it feeling even more guilty than before, but with a plan, and a place to stay.

The letter...was hard to write.

She wanted to pour out her feelings, all the _I love yous_ and _I’m sorrys_ and _I miss yous_...but she didn’t want to hurt Lin even more…

It was a fine line, and she didn’t know how well she had treaded it, but she slipped the letter into Lin’s mailbox the next day.

_  
Lin,_

_...I’m so sorry._

_I have no excuse for what I did, and I know it must have hurt you._

_I have problems with commitment, and I got scared, but I should have talked with you instead of running, and I’m sorry._

_I care about you a lot, so much I can’t express it in words._

_If you want to try again...meet me at the grove Saturday at 3? Or let me know a time and place that works for you...I just want to apologize, and talk about where we go from here, if you would like to, and I figured you’d prefer somewhere more private._

_I’ll cook, so don’t worry about that.(And don’t worry about my cooking, Bumi will make sure it’s all edible)._

_Sincerely,  
Kya  
_

Another letter appeared under her door a few days later.

_  
Kya,_

_Friday at 3 at the grove works for me. I’ll bring food, just in case._

_You hurt me, but I still care about you, a lot, as you said, and I’d like to talk about...this whole thing._

_-Lin  
_

Kya found herself smiling as she set out to the grove, despite the events soon to come.

The place in the mountains was special, flat spacious ground perfect for a picnic or fire pit, a clear stream running nearby, trees surrounding the small clearing to hide them from view, and a perfect spot to land a bison. _(the stream would be permissible for her to bend herself up as well, but she had craved the calming solitude of hiking for the day)._

It had been Kya’s favorite space to escape to as a child, and the site of many happy memories, with her siblings and Lin, running around and playing in the beautiful space once they were old enough to rebel against their parents. 

_(It wasn’t much of a rebellion, Kya suspected Bumi had told the adults where they were going, and when, but...the adults weren’t there, so it was close enough at the time)._

They had had plenty of fun there, but that’s not why Kya had chosen it.

The space was a refuge, far from the world and any other people, and hidden by the thick trees. 

It was quiet, isolated, neutral ground, and _safe_ , something Lin would need for the coming conversation, and Kya also appreciated.

Lin arrived soon after she had set up, and they spoke, food going untouched and eventually cold.

They both cried, tried not to yell and mostly succeeded (other than Lin briefly, who had the right).

_…_

_You left me, and I thin-thought it was all my fault for not being enough!_

_…_

_I didn’t think, I felt I couldn't think, but I should have._

_..._

_This isn’t an excuse, but I want to explain...  
My relationships all ended because I got too comfortable and when I get like that I can have a temper. I’m trying not to be like that, but I don’t want to hurt you, and when I stay I always do…_

_…_

_I’m not fragile, and I have a temper of my own that I believe you have been acquainted with._

_..._

_I know you can protect yourself, and I know you think like me and we should have just talked but… I didn’t realize, until it was too late._

_…_

_I love you._

_…_

_I know._

_..._

_Do you want to start again? But this time talk, instead of running away?_

_…_

They had ended the night with a hug, a kiss, and a promise to start again.

Kya would stay with Bumi for the time being, they would date, Kya would take trips, Lin would work late, they would feel like they weren’t enough...but this time they would _talk_ , and that made all the difference.

...

_It was a new beginning, and Kya felt **hopeful** again._

**Author's Note:**

> Some warnings:
> 
> Mentions of running away instead of facing problems, being afraid of hurting ones you care about, parental/family issues(Lin), abandonment and commitment issues, and lack of self worth throughout the fic.  
> Mentions of overworking to the extent of near unconsciousness:(Lin had to come to terms with that...Opal she could tolerate).  
> Brief and non-graphic fight scene:(After two weeks of running, memories found Kya...oh goodness Lin).  
> (Please let me know if I missed anything!)
> 
> Other notes:
> 
> I know the ending is kind of ooc, but it would have been a lot longer otherwise and because of the timeframe of this being in a contest I didn't have time to give it the attention it deserves. Maybe I'll come back to it later! Also, here Kya has more of a speciifc background, basically in her early traveling days with her first girlfriend(high school sweethearts), they were young and said and did hurtful things, and people were out for Aang and those connected with him at the time(not for anything he did, just for being the avatar) which did not end well for them. A lot of other relationships did not end ideally, and Kya traveled much more after, and tried not to get attached. Theres more to it but I might write more about it so I'm leaving it vague for now!


End file.
